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Your Brain, Rewired
We Know More About Anxiety Today Than Ever
Recent research has been out about how anxiety is processed and handled in the brain. Years of psychological interventions have addressed the cognitive side of anxiety, focusing on thought patterns and restructuring negative, anxiety provoking thoughts. Recent studies have shown that exploring cognitions associated with anxiety only address one way anxiety is processed in the brain, the less common way.
Cortex Based Anxiety
Cognitions are processed in the Cortex of the brain, the part of the brain responsible for reasoning, logical thinking, memories, meaning-making, and more. While anxiety can come from the Cortex, the Cortex takes a backseat in the world of anxiety and only addressing anxiety through the Cortex has made therapists and clients fall short.
Amygdala Based Anxiety
As we take information in, it is dispersed to the necessary parts of the brain. It is first dispersed to the amygdala to gauge whether this information is life-threatening or hazardous. If the information is dangerous, like seeing a car swerve into your lane on a freeway, then the amygdala will activate your fight/flight/freeze response. The amygdala is the first place that will process whether a situation is anxiety provoking or not and cannot be calmed by cognitive-based approaches, such as CBT.
If you’ve been experiencing anxiety for some time and the usual techniques have not helped, it may be time to look into amygdala reducing techniques. Check out this anxiety workbook, entitled “Your Brain, Rewired” to start reducing Amygdala based anxiety today.
Unmotivated: The New Ways We Feel It and How Change It.
how can i be so productive yet so unmotivated at the same time?
Some days I’m baffled at how I can own a private practice, create therapeutic materials, see dozens of clients a week, and still be the most unmotivated person this side of the Mississippi. Seriously, what I did this weekend was a complete joke. And I’m all for resting. I’m all for self-care. However, when that self-care extends to three consecutive days of binge watching the Great British Baking Show and eating an obscene amount of chips, I think one could agree that the weekend was lazy, not self-care. I get struck by how driven I am one moment, yet unmotivated I am the next.
Do I spend a whole lot of time thinking of ways to be productive? Absolutely. Do I get jazzed about the new chicken dish I’m going to make and spend way too much energy thinking about making a grocery list simply to order a pizza? For sure. I have great intentions until it’s time to act and I simply don’t. I spend weekends wondering what is wrong with me as I continue the bike wheel loop of “Name all the things I need to get done, don’t get them done, and finally feel guilty that I didn’t do what I was supposed to.”
Can I get an amen?
Anyone else ever been on that loop before? As I sat listening to my clients, I realized that the same things that paralyze their productivity also wreaked havoc on my own ability to self motivate. Turns out I’m not alone. Turns out you’re not alone either. Because here are the common ways millennials lose motivation and how to fix them.
The 5 Ways We Lose Motivation That No One Told You About
We exaggerate the amount of time a task will take to complete, get overwhelmed by that amount of time, and decide not to do it.
In my head, cleaning my kitchen will take the whole afternoon. I simply don’t have time to waste a whole afternoon on cleaning the kitchen. Actual time it takes? Maybe 45 minutes. I think it started with our school structure. Our school day wasn’t chunked out by how long it took to complete something. Rather, it was chunked by time blocks. So if I didn’t finish a paper in English by the end of the period, I had to finish it at home. When I finally had time to finish it at home, it was broken up by dinner, other assignments, and television shows. So then how long did I perceive the paper took to finish? All day. Therefore I assume that most tasks take all day too.
We have the expectation to be the best at everything we do and also be hyper productive.
Completing tasks isn’t just about completing them. It’s about completing ALL of them and making sure they’re perfect. I know I’ll get overwhelmed by the fact that everything needs to be perfect or fully finished and if I can’t do that in this time chunk, I may as well not do it. Remember that kitchen that needs cleaned? Well it can’t just be better than before. No, it has to be spotless. And in my head, I can’t just do the basics, I have to completely clean out the fridge and pantry and deep clean the oven and the list goes on and on. If there’s a to-do list that is brimming with tasks, I won’t complete it if I know I can’t get it all done. It just feels too overwhelming, so I don’t.
We think we need to hoard our free time.
Since we have to be perfect and hyper productive, we know that free time is a rare commodity. If we exaggerate how much time it takes to get things done, we under exaggerate how much free time we’ll have left. If I clean my kitchen, it will take all afternoon on a Saturday. Maybe longer since it needs to be spotless. Which means I will have no free time whatsoever on Saturday. And that’s not fair because I worked all week. So I need to prioritize free time because I don’t get enough of that. Which is another reason why I can’t clean the kitchen, or maybe I can but after I have relaxed for a while and watched Netflix. After doing that, I definitely don’t have time to clean the kitchen. It’s already 4 pm and the day is over.
We feel guilty for the free time we take.
Ironically, I hoard my free time but then feel guilty for having it. I feel like a waste of space because I relaxed so much over the weekend and now feel bad that I wasn’t more productive. Unfortunately, guilt is not motivating. It’s demotivating. So rather than responding to my emotion and getting the kitchen done, I take a giant sigh and plop down on the couch once again because I am basically worthless anyways.
If we have something to do later in the day, we don’t feel like we can do anything before it.
I’ll be honest, this makes no sense. But if I have nothing going on until an appointment at 4 pm, I will convince myself that I can’t do anything before it. I surely won’t have enough time. If we have a fear of not getting it done, we won’t do it at all.
If you resonate with any of these, stress not. Here are five ways to combat your lack of motivation:
“Just start.”
Create a new rule that you have to just start something, knowing that you don’t have to finish it or even get halfway through. You get points for just starting. Starting a task is the hardest part. So if you can “just start,” you’ll find yourself actually completing the task.
Schedule your time, especially your free time.
If you schedule your free time, you can take a deep breath that you don’t have to advocate for it, you won’t lose it. It’s already in the calendar. Scheduling the other things will help you be accountable for actually getting them done too. Need help with schedules? Click here!
Start timing how long things take.
Knowing that cleaning your kitchen only takes 45 minutes can challenge your exaggeration. Now you’re not guessing, you actually do know how long it will take and it does not sound so scary.
Make priority lists.
Our to-do list feels too long and there’s too much pressure to get it all done. If you prioritize the things that need to get done first, it will bring organization to chaos, and clarity to the clutter for what’s most important. Plus, chunking your long lists to mini lists can give you a nice confidence boost as you check things off the list. Need a priority list? I got you!
Find ways to be passionate about what you’re doing.
The truth is, you won’t have motivation for the stuff you don’t like doing. So focus on your strengths and do those things as much as possible. For the stuff you don’t like, find a way to be passionate about it. Maybe you don’t like folding laundry but you love listening to true crime podcasts. How about mixing a chore you aren’t passionate about with something you are intrigued by? And if you’re still dying from the task, set a time limit to it. Anyone can survive ten minutes of a bad chore.
There ya have it! Hopefully you find the will to get that whole list of stuff done this weekend! Love,
Taylor
6 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism
Oh perfectionism. We wear it as a badge of honor. We make jokes about it. But the truth is that perfectionism becomes a shackling behavior that entraps us to a life of never feeling like we're enough. Perfectionism doesn't steal our joy, it just moves it higher and higher beyond reach, keeping you grasping and striving but never catching it. Perfectionism makes promises it will never pay out. It's time to bust through the constraints of perfectionism to live the life that was meant for you, messy and masterful.
6 Ways to Overcome Perfectionism
1. Learn about why perfectionism is bad for you.
A new study from the Journal of Health Psychology revealed that perfectionism may shorten an individual's lifespan. It is easy to focus on the benefits of being perfect: it helps eliminate mistakes that may hurt us. However, we overlook the drawbacks that come with the stress of reaching an unattainable standard.
2. Focus on the positive.
Perfectionism is a tool to save us from the negative things we focus on. Shifting our focus to positive things going on can give us relief from negativity and the need to be saved from it.
3. Purposelessly do things you enjoy but you're not good at.
I enjoy painting but I am terrible at it! When I paint, I feel bad at it but I know that it doesn't change my worth. It's an exercise in sitting in my mediocrity, yet knowing that I am okay. And I can enjoy things for the sake of doing them, not for what the end product will turn out to be.
4. Challenge the benefits you believe you get from perfectionism.
You may have a few reasons why you want to stay perfect, at least with a couple things. You may be afraid of getting fired, losing someone's affection, or feeling "less than." Complete a cost/benefit analysis to take a deeper dive into the benefits and drawbacks to some of the perfectionistic traits you hold onto.
5. Don't become a perfectionist at stopping your perfectionism.
Perfectionists often set lofty goals and want to do the same with their self-help. Instead of big goals like, "Stop caring about the tasks at work," try "Transition from work tasks to home tasks at 5 pm."
6. Remember that perfectionism is an illusion.
Perfectionism is not a real destination and the more we remember that, the more we'll let ourselves off the hook and just enjoy the journey.
Want more ways to continue your self-growth? Check out these free resources here!
How Social Media Can Wreak Havoc on Your Teen and 5 Quick Ways to Intervene
The Dark Side of Social Media Use
If I told you that we are addicted to our phones, could you disagree? We don't like it, but we admit to it. For most of us, it's normalized and accepted now in culture. However, what are the repercussions for teenagers as their brains continue to develop? A new study from YouGov revealed that 1 in 5 teenagers spend at least 4 hours online per day, usually perusing their favorite social media sites like Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat. In fact, the American Academy of Pediatrics reported that 22% of teenagers log onto their favorite social media app more than 10 times per day and it was noted that "a large part of this generation's social and emotional development is occurring while on the internet and on cell phones."
But what's the harm? Isn't this just the way of the future? Hopefully not. Afterall, a study indicated that teenagers and young adults who engaged frequently on social media apps were between 13-66% more likely to report symptoms of depression.
I have worked with countless teenagers as a therapist and here are the things I've noticed and the things I would suggest to parents to help teenagers foster healthier social media habits.
5 Observations of Teens and Technology
Teenagers who are heavily engaged in social media don't really know any better. The only know a world of phones, pictures, and 'like' buttons. That means that they often know don't know there is a healthier way to handle comparison, filters, and trying to get 'likes'.
Oftentimes, a teenager who wants social media and does not have it is considered an outcast. Phone apps are a teen's main tool for communicating, which means simply banning social media use doesn't work well either. Banning them from social media isn't getting to the root of the problem, it's only cutting them off as a branch.
Teenagers are expected to cut down their phones/social media use but that is not being modeled by their parents. If parents want their children to make good choices, they first most make those good choices.
Teenagers are incredibly private with their social media and will not easily be open about it. At best, this means that a teen may not share their insecurities or depressive symptoms. At worst, they could be engaging with inappropriate apps, dangerous people, and harmful behavior.
Good kids still make bad decisions. I can't tell you how many times I have heard, "She's a good kid and I trust her to make good decisions." She is a good kid. But the part of a teenagers' brain that understands consequences is still developing. The decisions that teenagers make seem like good decisions to them at the time, especially when they don't see the future consequences of these decisions.
5 Tips to Help Your Teenager Make Healthier Social Media Choices
Help them experience a world without social media by creating boundaries. Designate times when phones aren't allowed and be very engaged in the apps on their phone. Remember, social media is now part of a child's social life. Being proactive in creating a good balance with phones is key.
Help your teenager break the habit of turning to their phone out of boredom. Active social media, i.e. commenting on posts and chatting with friends, is healthier than mindlessly scrolling. If a teen is actively using the phone that's way better than mindlessly scrolling out of boredom.
Be aware of your own phone use. Teens won't know whether you're reading the Bible, creating a grocery list, or mindlessly scrolling through Tiktok. They'll just see you on your phone. Be aware of the time you spend on your phone and start setting your own healthy phone habits for yourself.
Make sure talking about social media is normalized. Help foster openness about what is posted and discussed. If you don't know how much time your kid spends on social media or where they're spending the most time, it's important to find out! Teenagers love their privacy but it's all about balance. Having accountability put in place first helps build trust, it doesn't tear it down. Also remember, if you're going to immediately judge or become angry with what your teen has to say, they won't share things with you.
Don't expect your kid to make good choices right off the bat with their phones. You wouldn't hand your teenager a bottle of vodka and just expect them to make good drinking choices. Don't hand your child a cellphone and just expect them to make good social media choices. Both are addictive, easily mishandled, and quickly poor for their health. Educate them!
A Godly Self-Esteem
As a Christian, I struggle often with the concept of self-esteem. Topics like pride, humility, meekness, and being submissive seem to rub against the notion of self-esteem.
Have you asked yourself any of these questions before?
If I like myself, does that mean I value myself more than others?
Should I think positively of myself if I'm a sinner?
Shouldn't I think lowly of myself because I am nothing without Christ?
If someone says I'm pretty and I accept that, aren't I boasting in myself?
If I 'believe in myself' won't I become my own idol and make God angry?
The Bible tells me not to be prideful so it's probably good I don't really like myself, right?
I have wrestled with these questions my whole life. It feels like such a slippery slope. How much can I think positively about myself before its ungodly? Oftentimes, these questions are defeating but they also cause us to slip into disliking ourselves. Especially as women.
As a therapist, I have heard countless times that therapy just focuses on making a person love themselves, serve themselves, and only think about themselves. When we talk about self-esteem, the church can either role their eyes or get very cautious. Typically they won't point blank say, "Loving yourself is sinful, you're supposed to love God and others," but they would much rather lean towards the side of disliking yourself. Just to be safe.
Is it possible to like yourself and be humble? Is it okay to strive for self-care and still value others above yourself? First, let's define pride.
Opposing pride
Pride is defined as an excessively high opinion of the self. Pride is warned against frequently in the Bible. Here are some verses to look up for examples: James 4:6; Jeremiah 9:23-24; 1 John 2:16; Proverbs 18:10-12.
The problem with pride is that it focuses on glorifying the self, not God. It seeks to elevate who we are and the accomplishes we have rather than the work of the Lord. It is common that we are afraid of a prideful heart and therefore swing on the pendulum to the side of a self-deprecating heart.
What does that mean?
Opposing Self-Degradation
Think of pride on a spectrum. On one end is pride and thinking too highly of ourselves but on the other is being self-degrading and thinking too lowly of ourselves. Here's what that usually sounds like:
-I'm not smart
-I'm not pretty or thin enough
-People don't like me
-No one wants to hang out with me
-I'm not good at anything
-I'm not as good as someone else
Sound familiar? What self-degrading thing have you said to yourself recently? On the pride spectrum, it's not good to boast in yourself but speaking down to yourself isn't doing you any favors either. And it's certainly not making you more holy. Why? Because you were created intricately by the hand of God and in His image. When we think too lowly of ourselves, we are denying the very nature of God within us. And we're doubting His handiwork. That's why a healthy self-esteem is crucial!
Self-Esteem the Godly Way
So what's healthy self-esteem then? Healthy self-esteem is knowing your strengths, weaknesses, and worth. Healthy self-esteem is knowing you're a sinner but also knowing your creator made you and died for you, and that makes you worthwhile.
Negative self-esteem usually stems out of lies from the devil and negative thoughts that we harbor. It’s time we wage war on the forces against us, whether spiritual or ourselves. The first step is being filled with the truth. The trick isn't to fill yourself up with ways you like yourself but to fill yourself up with how God sees you and work to see yourself in the same light. Here are some Bible verses to get you started on a new self-esteem journey:
5 Bible verses for a Healthy Self-Esteem
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come. 2 Cor. 5:17
But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light. 1 Peter 2:9
But to all who did receive him, who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God. John 1:12
No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. Romans 8:37
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. Ephesians 2:10
I challenge you to write these verses out and plant them around the house, in the car, wherever you’ll see them. Familiarize yourself with the truth and become saturated in it. It’s time you saw yourself the way God sees you!
The Different Kinds of Self-Worth
And How to Improve Them
First, take the self-esteem quiz and assess where your self-worth is at! There are different categories under self-worth and understanding them will help you know what to improve and how. Take a look at the different kinds and see if any resonate with you.
Self-esteem
How much you like and value yourself. The amount of respect and admiration you have towards yourself. Believing you are a person of worth. Self-esteem is independent of how you believe others feel about you. It relies upon how you feel about you as a person.
Tips to increase self-esteem
Explore self-worth in general before it feels like it can apply to you. Read up on why humans have value and worth. Acknowledge whether you agree with this for others, then ask yourself if you can agree with it for yourself.
Identify the barriers to having good self-esteem and whether they are credible or unrealistic perceptions you have towards yourself.
If you feel shut down to a more positive outlook towards yourself, seek external support whether through books, journals, or a counselor.
Self-confidence
You may like yourself but are unsure or afraid of how others feel about you. Therefore, you find it difficult to exude confidence and self-respect in case others have a different opinion of you. Self-confidence relies on your ability to project out to the rest of the world the positive feeling you have towards yourself.
Tips to increase self-confidence
Create a hierarchy of things you can be confidant in. Practice self-confidence with the easy things and work your way up to the things you're more afraid of.
Explore what you're afraid people will think about you and then assess whether they are credible or not. This will help you feel more in control of negative thoughts. Here’s a sheet to help you challenge these thoughts.
Practice assertiveness training: behavioral techniques to increase self-advocacy and self-confidence.
Body-image
How you feel particularly about your body including weight, shape, features, sexual appeal, etc. Your body image is how you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror.
Tips to increase body image
Explore what the purpose of the body is to combat culture's message that your body was made only to "look good."
Start with the parts of your body that you love. How can you accentuate those parts and feel more confident with them?
Receive external support to learn more about how to take care of your body. Most often, people turn towards crash diets and systems that don't work. Feel empowered in your body by getting informed through a dietician, doctor, or nutritionist.
Want a great way to further your healing and growth around self-esteem? Check out the Known Journal + Course for the ultimate tool in personal development!
Anxious Teens: The Cheat Sheet
Anxiety: The leading mental health concern in teenagers.
I love my teen clients. I finally get the hype around working with teens and feel like I want to spend the summer as a camp counselor! Famous last words. They really do have the best stories, most creative solutions to problems, and best helpful advice for this old girl on how to be cool. And what does every teen that walks into my office have in common?
Anxiety.
Anxiety as a problem within the family system.
Dealing with anxiety in teens is different than the way it's handled with adults. Sure, all of the resources that I add on my website work the same, whether adult or teen. But the problem with anxiety in teenagers is that it is often due to a problem within the system. A system that they're currently saturated in. What does this mean? Anxiety can be generational as well as a symptom that a child manifests in response to their environment. Anxious parents, marital discord, a struggling sibling, stress over finances, you name it, could cause your child anxiety. When a teen in brought to a therapist's office for anxiety, a therapist doesn't just look at the child's internal experience, but the experience of the system and family as a whole.
Anxiety's problem can often stem from the attempted solution.
The other difficulty with anxiety in teens can come from the attempted solution rather than the problem. See, teens may exude their anxiety in anger, frustration, procrastination, apathy, lack of motivation. It becomes hard for a parent to distinguish between laziness and anxiety. Moreover, even when they know the root cause of behavior, instead of looking to fix the system, the parents tries to fix the kid. The way parents attempt to fix can be a roadblock to actual healing. If the kid is anxious about a game, the parent will dismiss their fears by minimizing the child's emotions with a,"Don't worry about it, you're going to be great." Christian parents often go for the, "God says don't be anxious. He's got this."
When we minimize someone's emotions, we inadvertently maximize their anxiety.
These phrases sound encouraging, don't they? Why is that so bad? It's not that it doesn't work. It just doesn't work as well or for as long. And has a greater chance of failing epically. Phrases like this are essentially saying, "Don't be anxious." Ever tell a woman to "just calm down" in the middle of a heated argument? It's the same result. When it comes to anxiety, a 3rd party can help reduce tension through the environment but you can't actually take the anxiety away for the teen. This means that instead of telling someone what to feel, or what not to feel, it's helpful to voice back what they're feeling and validate it. So instead of, "Don't worry about it," you would say, "You're feeling worried and nervous. That makes sense, I'd feel nervous too."
Focusing on a calming environment more than you focus on a fix.
It's important to stay away from minimizing, dismissing, and negating someone's emotional response to something. The same goes for fixes and ideas. Most people leave my office feeling more frustrated than motivated when they ask for tools. Why? Because most people have either tried these options before or feel like the fix is a bandaid over a bullet wound. No one, and I mean no one, wants me to tell them to take deep breaths, even if it's one of the best antidotes to anxiety that we have. I've said in a prior post that anxiety is feeling fear of the unknown. Check that out here. Trying to fix it doesn't work because you can't fix what's unknown. One can simply create an emotionally and psychologically safe environment for the person to experience life amidst the unknown. This helps them do the work they need to do while feeling supported. It's only when people actually put those anxiety tools to practice for themselves on a consistent basis that they start to notice a change.
So instead of fixes, one of my biggest responsibilities in the room is to maintain a non-anxious presence. I cannot take people's worries, fears, and doubts away. I have tried and wish that it works! The only thing I can do is give them a safe experience, not hold judgment, validate feelings, and offer ideas. Notice I put "offer ideas" at the bottom. Honestly, because it's the least important of the list.
It takes an empathetic village to help a teen's anxiety
If you're a parent, I can imagine feeling exasperated reading this. I know how hard you try, how much you're currently balancing, and how helpless it feels to either soothe or motivate your teenager. You probably feel guilt in wanting to be the best parent that protects your child from fear and pain. I think it's important to remember that God loves your child more than you do. Which is crazy, right? He is the one ultimately in charge of taking care of your teenager and is sovereign over their upbringing.
With that being said, if you are a parent or mentor, friend or uncle, teacher or pastor, I've included two sheets for working and talking through anxiety with teens. This will help anyone working with teens be able to address the problems within the system and focus on solutions that work.
Negative Thoughts: Taking Them Captive One Thought at a Time
Negative thoughts are the crippling, self-defeating monologues you have within your head and it's time to take them down.
80% of the thoughts that you have in your head are negative. Ouch. They are typically automatic, which means that before you even have a chance to consider the best or more realist thought, they're taking over. Typically, if your thoughts are negative, your emotions will follow. Can you imagine having terrible thoughts about yourself yet wonderful emotions? You may be able to get away with that for a little while, but the minute you put your guard down, your emotions will follow suite with the thoughts.
If your thoughts and emotions are bad, it becomes extremely difficult to have positive behaviors. That doesn't mean that being insecure within yourself will cause you to rob a bank, but your heart and intention behind any good behavior will be warped. Think of helping someone at work with a project. That's a great behavior. Except if you don't think positively, was that behavior done because you feel happy and want to make others feel happy by helping? Or was it done because you struggle to say no, felt guilt-tripped into it, or wanted to help simply to feel good about yourself? See, those aren't great behaviors when the intention is faulty. It's tricky.
How to Take Negative Thoughts Captive
I've written before about taking your thoughts captive and how to help block anxiety. However, I wanted to share this blog entry with a helpful exercise. See, 2 Corinthians 10:5 says, "We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ." But, how do we do that? What does that actually look to have thoughts that are obedient to Christ?
To help out, I've include a Thought Record template that is typically used in secular psychology and doctored it to integrate wonderfully with the Christian faith. You can also just follow these steps and do it yourself. Here are the steps:
Taking Thoughts Captive: A Biblical Thought Record
Step One: What is the negative thought(s) that you have about yourself? Write them down.
Example: No one likes me at school, I'm pretty much alone and it's embarrassing. Therefore, I'm a joke and unlikeable.
Step Two: Rate on a scale of 1-10 how much you believe that statement. 10 means that you believe it the most.
Example:7
Step Three: Next, examine the thoughts using scripture. Is there biblical backing to your negative thoughts? Or is there biblical words that go against your negative thought. Another good way to examine the negative thoughts is to compare them with this Automatic Negative Thought Sheet. These are typical negative thoughts that you may automatically gravitate towards but they don't hold much truth.
Example: No where in the Bible does it say I'm unlikeable or call me a joke. Additionally, I am using black or white thinking and labeling myself (from the negative thoughts sheet).
Step Four: Write the biblical response to these counteract these statements.
Example: Is. 43:1 "But now, this is what the Lord says-he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."
Romans 8:39 "Neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord."
1 John 3:1 "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!"
Jeremiah 31:20 "The LORD appeared to us in the past, saying: “I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."
Step five: Rate how true those beliefs are about yourself from 1-10. 10 indicates full belief.
Example: 9
Step six: Finally, based on your thought record and challenging the negative thoughts, how much do you believe the original negative beliefs now from 1-10?
Example: 1
Start Your Thought Wrangling Now
In conclusion, this is a great way to take your thoughts captive. It reflects back on the automatic thought you just had, questions the validity of the thought, then sheds light on God's view of the thought and who you truly are. Want the pdf Biblical Thought Record sheet? Download it by clicking here or on the picture.
Trusting in God-Choosing Trust over Anxiety
Trusting in God when it feels difficult.
I have so many things to say about trusting in God. God provides. God is who He says He is and does what He says He will do. Over the last three years, my hardest struggle was and still is trusting in God. How do we feel trust and sit in faith when things feel so overwhelmingly important and God feels so overwhelmingly far? I have a dear friend struggling with fertility issues. How do I tell her to feel trust after two miscarriages and an ectopic pregnancy? How can she feel peace when her body feels weak and her heart feels sorrowful?
There may be some people out there that can feel trust easily. I love those people. It's an experience I crave, but I don't easily land on feeling trust, at least not yet. Instead, I landed on choosing trust.
Choosing trust means making the cognitive decision to trust God regardless of what your feelings are, sometimes in spite of what your feelings are. It is as simple as breathing that truth out into the world, "God I trust you." In therapy, we constantly distinguish fact versus feelings. We argue that a feeling is not a fact. A feeling of mistrust does not mean that it is a fact that you don't trust. You can choose your fact: I trust God, without having it align with your feelings.
Here is the way trust changed my life:
I was sipping a warm cup of coffee at a quaint shop in Fort Collins with a friend. Laughter filled our spot in the corner and a smile spread widely across my face. But then it hit me. Worry, fear, and panic flooded my thoughts and I was mentally torn from the conversation at hand. I would focus my thoughts on my friend, yet get swiftly derailed into catastrophic thinking about my own life. Frustration flooded my body as I fought to stay present, yet felt tossed by the waves of my own worries. "Why can't I just trust God? Why do I feel so disheveled all the time?" The thought chorused through my brain as defeat sunk in and for a split moment, I resolved that I would just never trust the Lord. Not fully at least.
Then the thought hit me. What if I just make up my mind to trust God, regardless of what I feel? Anxiety, you horrible friend, you may rage inside me like a tumultuous storm and blow thoughts, worries, and fear with hurricane force winds. Anxiety, you old ball and chain, you may continue to throw a tantrum, scream, and cry into my bones. You can bring me to my knees, take me out of crucial moments, and shadow my every move. Yet you can not waiver, move, threaten, or challenge my trust in God. That is a choice I get to make, regardless of what anxiety wants to make me feel. And if, when I get to heaven, all I can say is, "God, I chose you even when I didn't feel you," I think that will be enough.
The art of trusting in God:
I want to give you permission, as a sister in Christ, to choose trust regardless of how you feel. I hope that statement is freeing. If we wait for our emotions to fall into place, we may stay stuck in a spot God never intended for us to be. We may feel discouraged in a lack of trust that we actually have. And we can boldly proclaim that in our weakness, God is strong. Then, when anxiety hits we are not surprised and we are not moved. We accept the feelings that flood our body and know that our choice to trust, regardless of how buried it is in pain, is still seen by God and our hope is reawakened. Need some inspirational verses for trusting in God? Find that here.
Choose trust, friends.
The Difference Between Fear and Anxiety and Why It Matters
I use fear and anxiety interchangeably all of the time. After all, it's triggering nearly the same part of the brain. For years as a clinician, I would never separate the two. I also know some people who always make it a point to separate them. And while they share huge similarities, there's a subtle difference that I think is incredibly helpful for Christians to know.
Defining Fear and Anxiety
The experience of feeling fear or anxiety is a perceived threat in the brain that causes the body to react emotionally, and oftentime behaviorally, as if it were in trouble. The brain loves to protect and in order to do so, it shoots off a flare gun, called "fear," every time it intercepts a threat. Some threats are legitimate, like when a car swerves in front of you on the freeway. Others are not, like being afraid to fall asleep after watching a scary movie. The feelings of fear and anxiety are incredibly similar: concern, nervous, jittery, worried, panicked, tense, frightened, scared. Here's the difference. With fear, there is a present and identifiable threat and with anxiety there is not.
An Identified Threat Vs. an Unidentified Threat
For example, let's say you're going to grab coffee with your friend because of your own wrongdoing. If she found out you hurt her in some way and now you have to face it, you would experience fear of what she might say. However, if you're not afraid of your friend but feel nervous, worried, or tense while talking to her, then what would be categorized as anxiety. You cannot identify a present threat. If you'll notice, fear usually has a cue. It does not simply come about without something setting it off. Anxiety does not play that way. Anxiety can come at Disney World on your favorite ride, in the safety of your own bedroom, in the stillness of Christmas morning. Anxiety doesn't care.
Even if there is a threat, it needs to be a reasonable one. If you feel that your husband will leave you and there's proof of an affair, that's fear. If your husband is kind, loving, and loyal yet you're still afraid he'll leave, that's anxiety. Anxiety typically lasts longer, is less emergent, and keeps you on edge for a longer period of time.
The Known Vs. The Unknown
A good way to talk about anxiety is the fear of the unknown. The brain triggers anxiety when it wants to protect you from the unknown, by making you feel uncomfortable, so that you will make the unknown, known. With fear, you're afraid of what you know. With anxiety, you're afraid of what you don't know. If your husband is kind, loving, and loyal your brain might still be afraid of the "what-if." Even when you can't voice being afraid of the "what-if," it's still there. For example, if you're grabbing coffee with a friend and feel anxious, you might be afraid of "what could go wrong," or oftentimes, "how will I mess this up?" Those thoughts may not be conscious, but your brain is still working behind the scenes with those worries.
Why Identifying Fear Matters
So this is the part that I love. God talks about fear and anxiety all of the time in the Bible. But, how often do you ever think of the difference between the two and what it means? For example, Psalm 23: 4 talks about the shadow of death. David declares that he won't feel fear. The word fear makes sense here, there is a present and identifiable threat. Deuteronomy 3:22 says, "You shall not fear them, for it is the Lord your God who fights for you." Another good example of a clear and present warning.
What are the moments in your life when you've faced a present, identifiable threat? A cancer diagnosis, a rocky marriage, a defiant child? The Lord says to not fear because he faces those battles. Sometimes the battle is won simply by passing through it with the Lord. Sometimes he fights for you when it's a battle to be conquered. Other times, he simply sets a table before you when the conquering has already been done.
Why Identifying Anxiety Matters
Proverbs 12:25 says, “An anxious heart weighs a man down, but a kind word cheers him up.” Would it make sense to have a clear and present threat looming over someone and God solve it by a kind word? He can! But I don't know if he does. Clearly this word "anxious" is different than "fear". Luke 12:25-26 says "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest?" This emphasizes our inability to control our future, the unknown, but God's sovereignty about what will happen in this life.
Knowing that anxiety is really a fear of the unknown can remind us of Jesus' final gift to us, peace. In John 16:33, Jesus says, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”
How to Move Forward
First, ask yourself a few questions:
Do I have an identifiable and present threat?
Is the threat reasonable?
Would I label this fear or anxiety?
If it's fear, pray to God directly about the fear in your life. Are there any action steps He is leading you to make? Are there any actions that you should make without prompting simply because it's wise? Remember when Moses was waiting for God to part the sea and cries out to him. God responds, "Why are you crying out to me? Tell the Israelites to go forward." God will move but he also sovereignly gave us a brain to know when you move as well. Otherwise, wait for the Lord to direct you or fight for you.
If it's anxiety, pray to God directly about your fear of the unknown. Ask him to bring you peace and to whisper words to cheer you up. Ask him to settle your heart and even if he doesn't, to know the truth that God works all thing together for good, for the sake of those who love him (Romans 8:28).
Lastly, stay anchored, tethered, super-glued, to the Word of God and his truth. Want some free scripture cards? Find those here. God's Word is the best defense for fear and anxiety. It will ground you in the knowledge that God is who he says he is and will do what he says he will do. Want more insight? Check out this worksheet to help navigate fear vs. anxiety here.
3 Things to Do When God Says "Do Not Be Anxious," Yet You're Still Anxious
Who else can thank 2020 for raising their anxiety? According to a study done by the APA in Oct. 2020, 62% of Americans felt more anxious than they did the year before. Over the three years prior to this, the percentages ranged between 32% to 39%. That's quite the increase!
As a counselor over the last five years, I was already educating clients on anxiety more than any other diagnosis. It's hard to imagine it getting worse. Christians struggle with their experience of fear or anxiety and what the Bible says about it. God commands us to not fear, Jesus leaves us with peace, Paul inspirationally instructs us to not be anxious about anything, and yet how are we still feeling anxious? Sometimes it's easy to deny worry or fear and to just say "no." However, most times we attempt to say "no" to our fears and still feel worrisome. This just leaves us feeling anxious AND guilty for not being able to be obedient to God's commands.
So what do we do? Do we resign to being anxious and disobedient? Do we beat down our anxiety with guilt and shame? Here are three ways to normalize and consider anxiety as a Christian:
1. Read the Bible like a love letter rather than a commandment center.
God's Word is a guide to get as close as possible to His ultimate design and will for our lives amidst the sin condition. His ultimate vision was beautiful, full of love and goodness. When He instructs us, it is a gift to become closer to Him and His perfect plan for us. When we try, but struggle to follow commands like, "do not be anxious about anything," remember that God is sad with us and for us, rather than disappointed at us.
Don't get me wrong, God's Word is full of justice and hard truth. I don't want you to water down the Bible by only looking at His grace. But let's be honest: if you're reading this, you love Jesus, and you suffer with anxiety, you are way harder on yourself about your anxiety than God is. It's important to focus on God's grace towards the difficult areas in your life because my guess is you've been focused on His judgment.
2. Think of the external factors to your anxiety that may be out of your control.
If anxiety is not of the Lord, you can bet that Satan will want to use it as a spiritual warfare tactic. He most definitely likes you to focus on fighting your anxiety and your problems rather than Satan and his poison. Try fighting spiritual warfare rather than yourself! How? Ephesians 6:10-18 is a great place to start.
Another external factor is genetics. Anxiety can be passed down through the generations and while Jesus is all about breaking generational chains, it's helpful to know that having anxiety is not always your fault or something you did wrong! The truth is, you were born into a sin-filled world that has natural disasters, disease, and heartbreak. Sickness doesn't always mean sinfulness and God will use your pain for His purpose!
3. Remember that God's strength is made perfect in your weakness.
We don't know what Paul was struggling with when he said,
"Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong."2 Corinthians 3:10
The thorn in your flesh may be anxiety. But your thorn is not there to make you feel guilty, but to make you feel stronger in Christ! Not just your weakness with anxiety but also your weakness in being able to overcome anxiety. Your inability to overcome anxiety is where Christ's power rests.
So what now?
Bring your worries to God, don't just resign to be ridden with them. Do not just label yourself as "anxious" without seeking the Lord but do not condemn yourself when you still feel anxious after doing so.
Focus on God's truth and his love-saturated instructions towards anxiety. You will not find better fear-busters in the world than God's Word and His son. But remember that these instructions are gifts laced with grace.
Know what you're actually fighting-yourself, Satan, genetics, your trust in the Lord. If you don't know what you're fighting, you want be able to defeat it.
Rest in God's grace when thorns pierce your side and focus on God's power rather than your weakness.
Is it a Panic Attack? Or an Anxiety Attack?
How to Tell the Difference and Why it Matters.
If you’re reading this post its because you know the feeling. Anxiety rushing into your system, taking over your ability to function, making you feel like you could burst. Or die. Heart pounding, blood racing, and whole body shaking. Is it panic? Is it just anxiety? You struggle with the label, you struggle with the difference. And mostly you struggle with how to make it stop.
Anxiety Attack vs. Panic Attack.
Whether it’s correct or not, most clinicians say one quick and dirty way to tell you the difference. When clients describe their experience, I ask “Did you feel like you were going to die?” How you answer that question typically illuminates what you’re dealing with.
Panic attacks are sudden, quick, and over in less than ten minutes. A panic attack occurs when your brain is triggered into the ‘fight or flight’ response, which basically means that your brain thinks you’re in danger. Bad danger, Life threatening danger.
Think of a scenario of being in a dark alley, chased by a person holding a knife. Your brain thinks you’re going through a situation equivalent to this and will respond in the same exact way. That means you’re filled with an astronomical amount of fear. Your heart will start palpitating, you’ll struggle to breathe which will then make your chest feel tight like you’re having a heart attack and going to die. Lack of oxygen will also make you lightheaded and dizzy, making it difficult to focus or think. Other body sensations are shakiness, trembling, numbness, and nausea. It usually only lasts minutes and your body will calm down.
Anxiety attacks are different, some would consider them more “watered-down” versions of panic attacks. It’s important to note that anxiety attacks are not technically a diagnosable condition like panic attacks are. It’s a newer term to the psychology community. There are mental health diagnoses for anxiety including generalized anxiety disorder which is the broad category commonly used. Symptoms of GAD include a general, overarching sense of fear and worry that is excessive and unrealistic. GAD has physical side effects as well including tightness of chest, tingling, trouble sleeping, shortness of breath, difficulty concentrating, and fatigue.
An anxiety attack is the label typically given when someone is experiencing a heightened amount of symptoms than they are used to, making it hard to function and concentrate in the day. The difference between these feelings of anxiety and panic attacks is that they are less intense and usually last a longer period of time. While a panic attack lasts upwards of ten minutes, an ‘anxiety attack’ can last all day. The symptoms feel stronger than regular anxiety and more distracting, yet not as acute as a panic attack.
If you feel like you’re on the brink of having a panic attack but don’t actually have one, that’s an anxiety attack. It can feel like a tipping point, right on the edge of losing safety and control.
Why it Matters and What to Do.
Knowing the truth of what you’re experiencing can help treatment. People can have anxiety attacks or panic attacks for different reasons. Oftentimes, treatment varies for each as well.
The first thing to do when experiencing EITHER a panic attack or anxiety attack is to get checked out by your primary care physician. It’s good to rule out other medical issues.
Next thing is counseling. Typically, any type of panic or anxiety is the symptom of a deeper problem. If you don’t get to the root of the problem, you’ll just keep chopping down branches to have them regrow again.
The good news, is that in the meantime you can document all of the times you had a panic attack and work hard to explore what could have possibly triggered it. What set it off? Knowing that can protect you from setting it off for the same reason next time, or give insight to the deeper issues churning below the surface.
Is ‘Self-Care’ Christian?
I get this questions often!
Let's define "self-care."
Self-care is the practice of making your physical, emotional, and psychological wellbeing a priority in your life. Here's the connotation that self-care has: "I'm only going to focus on me and what makes me feel happy. I will not focus on others, only doing the things I want. And I will justify that by saying I deserve it."
So is the connotation that comes with self-care Christian? No. Let's not do that. Let's apply the correct definition of self-care to our lives and integrate that with our faith.
Think of the purpose of self-care being similar to the purpose of the Sabbath. It should always be a day or an activity that glorifies God. And we glorify in God when we rest in Him.
Secular self-care strays from God's vision of rest when we make it about us, doing what makes us feel good, and justifying it because we deserve it. However, when we look at self-care as a way to glorify God, quiet our souls, and reenergize to continue God's work, we'll not only enjoy self-care, we will be blessed by it.
It's important to note that self-care can be relaxing but it can also be productive. Self-care can look like journaling, listening to music, and drawing. Or, it can look like budgeting, folding laundry, and having difficult but edifying conversations.
I like to think of a crop field when thinking of the balance between relaxation and productivity when it comes to self-care.. There is a time for enjoying the harvest in relaxation and there's a time for tilling the soil, sowing the seed, and watering the crops. You can't have one without the other and that's exactly how self-care works.
If you want to ensure that your self-care stays aligned with God, start with the language that you use when discussing it. Check out the worksheet below to get started. Want to download a pdf version? Right here!
5 Things to Do When You Can’t Do Anything
Let's be honest. If you don't feel like you can do anything, you probably don't feel like you can read through a bunch of fluff to find a list of 5 things. So here they are!
Here are five things to "do" when you can't do anything:
Normalize it. When Ecclesiastes 3 claims that there is a "time for everything," this current season is included. If Solomon makes sure to tell us there is a time to kill and a time to sew, you can also bet he would have included that there's a time to be paralyzed by crippling anxiety that wreaks havoc on productivity levels.
Accept it. This is where you're at, this is what you're feeling, and it may not change any time soon. That is okay. Say that statement to yourself, it takes away the shame of expecting you need to be anywhere else, experiencing anything different. You have enough going on right now, don't let shame be something else to add to the list. If Jesus promises to never put us to shame, then we can take ourselves off the hook as well (Romans 10:11).
Instead of pushing yourself to the light, take a look at what the dark is trying to teach you. Romans 5:3-4 clues us in that suffering is teaching us something. If we bypass the suffering we lose out on endurance, character, and hope. There are lessons in the darkness that we need for the light.
Advocate for yourself. My hunch is that if you're reading this, you are quick to help others yet do not receive help yourself. Going through pain alone doesn't make you durable, it makes you disconnected. Ask for help. When you don't receive someone's help, you are denying them of their godly mandate to give love (Romans 13:8). Denying love is depriving someone of becoming more holy. Ask for help and receive it.
Don't stop praying. It can be a groan, a mumble, or even a cry. Just don't stop walking with the Lord. He promises to bind up the brokenhearted (Psalms 147:3), care for us within our anxiety (1 Peter 5:7), and give us peace (Phil. 4:7).
If your head hits the pillow tonight and you start thinking of all the ways you need to be better tomorrow, think of these five things instead. Please know, not being okay is one of the bravest things you can ever be. And when you're on your 6th snooze button, remember I'm right there with you and we can get through this anxiety together. Feeling motivated to work on trusting the Lord? Continue your insight here.
10 Ways to Calm Anxiety While Still in a Pandemic
Let's get down to the point. You're stressed, anxious, and in panic. You're stuck at home, fixated on the news, and hyper-focused on your bank account. Germs are everywhere and so is fear. Here is a list of things created by a professional counselor that will help with the anxiety:
10 Ways to Combat Anxiety
Create structure. The opposite of chaos is organization. Right now, organize your world to combat the chaos. Decide what your morning will look like before you start it. If you leave it up to your brain to think of things when morning comes, you will get on your phone and become buried in stressful media and news. This is debilitating. Stick to a plan.
Do the things you wouldn’t do if anxious. When you feel anxious, it feels easy to bury yourself in social media or bedsheets, not getting up all day. However, muster the strength to do the things you would do if you felt fantastic. Bake cookies, start a craft, work on your budget. It will help trick your body into thinking that everything’s fine. Because the funny thing is, everything is fine. Your brain just hasn’t bought into that idea yet.
Worry time. Set aside a specific amount of time to worry in the day. You are feeling especially more anxious because of social media and the constant need for more information. If you are fixated on information, limit it to 15 minutes in the morning and 15 at night. You can freak out as much as you would like. You can cry, binge the internet, journal, whatever. This is your window to freak out. And then you're done. From that point in the day, you will not look at the news and harbor in worry. At this point, go back to the structure. Remind yourself that you can freak out later during your designated time in the evening.
Journal the things that are upsetting you. You know how you forget items on a grocery list if you don't write it down? And you'll be constantly trying to remember what the items were and repeat the list over and over? If you write the list down, you're set. Your brain lets it go because it knows its taken care of. Write your worries down so that your brain doesn't keep reminding you of it, afraid you'll forget.
Focus on the powerful. Create a mantra for the day so when you start to feel worried, you can repeat the mantra to yourself. Bible verses make for great mantras! Memorize your phrase and pray on it.
Focus on your breathing. Do a mindfulness or guided relaxation exercise. There is one at the bottom of the page. This is so, so important I can't even begin to explain. Deep relaxation breathing helps lower your heart rate, which tells your brain to stop sending fight or flight hormones into your brain, causing anxiety. This will calm you down. Breathe.
Exercise and diet. If you have been feeling particularly upset, cut down on the caffeine and sugar, it's making things worse. Go be active with anything that will get your heart rate up. That's key. Just taking a stroll is not as effective.
Distract yourself. If you focus on other things, it is difficult for your anxiety to feel as strong. Speaking to others is a great way to distract from anxiety. If you still feel distracted by worry, talk about it with a trusted friend. Naming your anxiety and worries out loud acts as an identification process in your brain, which will soothe the feeling.
Challenge it. Throw your efforts into challenging your negative thoughts with a guided sheet like this one. We are susceptible to catastrophic thinking, overgeneralization, and a ton of other mind tricks. Challenging those thoughts will ground us back to the cognitive present.
Be in the Word and remember who God is. If you already have a relationship with God, find all the verses that talk about God's faithfulness and promises. Pray that He will bring you His peace through the Holy Spirit.
This Morning Routine Will Improve your Mood
Waking up is the hardest.
The alarm sound I have blares like a fog horn, guiding ships back to shore and me back to reality. It’s morning.
NOPE.
Nope is the only word I can muster so early, so dark. I roll back over, dreamily patting myself on the back for giving plenty of time to snooze. I think through how much time I actually need to get ready in the morning and barter with myself. Anything for an extra ten minutes. Three snoozes later and the inevitable has arrived. It’s time to get up.
If you’re anything like me, my morning is spent feeling groggy and grouchy. Here’s a few quick ways to revamp your morning routine and feel revived instead of like road kill. Like the list? Enjoy the pdf version and a free morning routine scheduler here.
This Morning Routine Will Improve Your Mood
Get started the night before.
Let’s work smarter and not harder, shall we? Put your coffee machine on a timer, make your lunch for the following day, set your clothes out, and compile all the things you’ll need as you run out of the house the next morning.
Don’t hit the snooze button.
The phrase may hurt me more than it hurts you. Putting your alarm clock across the room and forcing yourself to get up can make things much easier. Set your coffee machine to brew at the same time of the alarm. If you don’t wake up for you, do it for the coffee that’s currently getting cold.
Stay off your phone.
I know, we all do it. But our morning sets the stage for the day and reaching toward social media can be negative and filled with comparisons, materialism, anxiety, and loneliness.
Surround yourself with things that make you happy to get up.
Reward yourself by waking up in the morning with things that bring you joy. What a great way to start the day! That could be a warm beverage, turning on the fireplace, going on a back patio, listening to your favorite tunes.
Drink a glass of water.
Chances are, you haven’t drank anything in hours. Your body will feel groggy if its dehydrated and unfortunately coffee dehydrates. Replenish your body!
Get your body moving.
Some people swear by hitting the gym at 5 am. That’s FANTASTIC. If that’s not you, have no fear. A 10 minute workout, brisk morning walk, or even stretching can be a good way to wake up those muscles that can help you feel your best.
Take a warm bath or shower.
It doesn’t have to be a long one, but even rinsing off can help our 5 senses be refreshed and reinvigorated. The warmth is relaxing to your muscles and helps loosen you up for the day.
Spend some time in solace and solitude.
You can spend your life getting your body ready for the day but it’s the soul that really matters. Your day will be filled with negativity, doubts, anxieties, and distractions. Take this time to center yourself on who God is and who you are. Morning devotionals, prayer time, and worship are the perfect ways to remember who you’re living your day for.
Overview your day and what needs to get done.
A mark of a successful person is how organized you are. Take some time at the start of the day to reorganize and reorient. Strategize in your calendar how to spend your time that day. Having a game plan helps ease anxiety, which leads to a better mood. Need help strategizing? Click here.
How to Take An Effective Mental Health Day
Let’s take a day.
First of all, imagine taking the WHOLE DAY. It blows your mind right? Feels impossible? What if we tried it? Here are the components of an effective mental health day. Which ones have you already tried?
Start with a morning routine.
What do you need for the perfect morning? Some may want to sleep in, others may need to wake up early while it’s still and calm. What makes this day effective is that you get to decide.
Next, engage in a relaxing morning routine. Need ideas? Try out a couple here.
Assess what you need for a mental health day versus what you want.
The trick is to assess what will recharge you rather than just help you shut off. Think of it like charging your phone. We need to recharge the phone and also turn it off and back on again. Very different! The trick to an effective mental health day is to do both!
Things that shut us off: Watching television, scrolling through social media, drinking, playing video games.
Things that recharge us: being outdoors, cooking, reading, listening to podcasts, journaling, personal introspection, using face masks.
Need more ideas? Try here!
If what you want to do is sit in bed, binge eat Cheetos, and drink wine all day, that might not be the most helpful. Which leads us to our next point.
Sometimes self-care is doing all the fun and relaxing things, however self-care is also doing the things that we need.
It’s all about balance. Self-care can be hiking, lounging, and getting take-out. It can also be folding laundry, setting up a savings account, or picking up groceries.
Here are the questions to ask yourself to create a balanced day of wants and needs:
What are the things that I’m stressing about today that could be handled quickly? Only pick a couple and make a list of the to-do’s to get done the next day.
Do I recharge when I’m with friends or on my own?
If I choose to relax with friends, can I be sure they will pour into my life or will they exhaust me?
What are the things I normally avoid? Quiet time? Chores? Fun? Do I avoid them because they are bad for me (we do avoid things that are hurtful to us, like toxic family) or because they are good for me but I do not believe I deserve good things, especially when they require work.
What do I want to feel by the end of the day? What can I do that will ensure that feeling?
What bad choices could I make today that I need to be careful of? I.e. excessive drinking, excessive eating, gambling, overspending. How do I safeguard from reverting to any of these options?
Pick at least one thing that would help recharge the five senses. The five senses are a great way to reduce anxiety and stay grounded. Need some ideas for self-care around the five senses? You can grab that here!
Make sure your mental health day is covering all your bases.
The best ways to integrate self-care into all aspects of your life is to look at these different categories: contextual, spiritual, physical activity, intellectual, nutrition, sensual, emotions, and relationships. Is there any category that is lacking? Spend more time there! Need ideas per category? Here ya go!
Plan out your day but solidify it in grace.
Mix between a few things you need to get done for your self-care and some fun ones. The schedule will help maintain accountability, yet should not be held too firmly. This day is meant to be relaxing, not a disappointment if every task was not met. Self-compassion is the whole point of the day.
Don’t forget that mental health is all in the mind.
Lastly, while self-introspection is listed as an option for this day, it’s really a necessity for mental health. Sometimes, when we take time to mentally process, it can easily spiral into negativity. That’s not helpful for a successful mental health day unless you have the tools to process it fully. A good way to stay positive and internally engaged is to spend time in gratitude!