Unmotivated: The New Ways We Feel It and How Change It.
how can i be so productive yet so unmotivated at the same time?
Some days I’m baffled at how I can own a private practice, create therapeutic materials, see dozens of clients a week, and still be the most unmotivated person this side of the Mississippi. Seriously, what I did this weekend was a complete joke. And I’m all for resting. I’m all for self-care. However, when that self-care extends to three consecutive days of binge watching the Great British Baking Show and eating an obscene amount of chips, I think one could agree that the weekend was lazy, not self-care. I get struck by how driven I am one moment, yet unmotivated I am the next.
Do I spend a whole lot of time thinking of ways to be productive? Absolutely. Do I get jazzed about the new chicken dish I’m going to make and spend way too much energy thinking about making a grocery list simply to order a pizza? For sure. I have great intentions until it’s time to act and I simply don’t. I spend weekends wondering what is wrong with me as I continue the bike wheel loop of “Name all the things I need to get done, don’t get them done, and finally feel guilty that I didn’t do what I was supposed to.”
Can I get an amen?
Anyone else ever been on that loop before? As I sat listening to my clients, I realized that the same things that paralyze their productivity also wreaked havoc on my own ability to self motivate. Turns out I’m not alone. Turns out you’re not alone either. Because here are the common ways millennials lose motivation and how to fix them.
The 5 Ways We Lose Motivation That No One Told You About
We exaggerate the amount of time a task will take to complete, get overwhelmed by that amount of time, and decide not to do it.
In my head, cleaning my kitchen will take the whole afternoon. I simply don’t have time to waste a whole afternoon on cleaning the kitchen. Actual time it takes? Maybe 45 minutes. I think it started with our school structure. Our school day wasn’t chunked out by how long it took to complete something. Rather, it was chunked by time blocks. So if I didn’t finish a paper in English by the end of the period, I had to finish it at home. When I finally had time to finish it at home, it was broken up by dinner, other assignments, and television shows. So then how long did I perceive the paper took to finish? All day. Therefore I assume that most tasks take all day too.
We have the expectation to be the best at everything we do and also be hyper productive.
Completing tasks isn’t just about completing them. It’s about completing ALL of them and making sure they’re perfect. I know I’ll get overwhelmed by the fact that everything needs to be perfect or fully finished and if I can’t do that in this time chunk, I may as well not do it. Remember that kitchen that needs cleaned? Well it can’t just be better than before. No, it has to be spotless. And in my head, I can’t just do the basics, I have to completely clean out the fridge and pantry and deep clean the oven and the list goes on and on. If there’s a to-do list that is brimming with tasks, I won’t complete it if I know I can’t get it all done. It just feels too overwhelming, so I don’t.
We think we need to hoard our free time.
Since we have to be perfect and hyper productive, we know that free time is a rare commodity. If we exaggerate how much time it takes to get things done, we under exaggerate how much free time we’ll have left. If I clean my kitchen, it will take all afternoon on a Saturday. Maybe longer since it needs to be spotless. Which means I will have no free time whatsoever on Saturday. And that’s not fair because I worked all week. So I need to prioritize free time because I don’t get enough of that. Which is another reason why I can’t clean the kitchen, or maybe I can but after I have relaxed for a while and watched Netflix. After doing that, I definitely don’t have time to clean the kitchen. It’s already 4 pm and the day is over.
We feel guilty for the free time we take.
Ironically, I hoard my free time but then feel guilty for having it. I feel like a waste of space because I relaxed so much over the weekend and now feel bad that I wasn’t more productive. Unfortunately, guilt is not motivating. It’s demotivating. So rather than responding to my emotion and getting the kitchen done, I take a giant sigh and plop down on the couch once again because I am basically worthless anyways.
If we have something to do later in the day, we don’t feel like we can do anything before it.
I’ll be honest, this makes no sense. But if I have nothing going on until an appointment at 4 pm, I will convince myself that I can’t do anything before it. I surely won’t have enough time. If we have a fear of not getting it done, we won’t do it at all.
If you resonate with any of these, stress not. Here are five ways to combat your lack of motivation:
“Just start.”
Create a new rule that you have to just start something, knowing that you don’t have to finish it or even get halfway through. You get points for just starting. Starting a task is the hardest part. So if you can “just start,” you’ll find yourself actually completing the task.
Schedule your time, especially your free time.
If you schedule your free time, you can take a deep breath that you don’t have to advocate for it, you won’t lose it. It’s already in the calendar. Scheduling the other things will help you be accountable for actually getting them done too. Need help with schedules? Click here!
Start timing how long things take.
Knowing that cleaning your kitchen only takes 45 minutes can challenge your exaggeration. Now you’re not guessing, you actually do know how long it will take and it does not sound so scary.
Make priority lists.
Our to-do list feels too long and there’s too much pressure to get it all done. If you prioritize the things that need to get done first, it will bring organization to chaos, and clarity to the clutter for what’s most important. Plus, chunking your long lists to mini lists can give you a nice confidence boost as you check things off the list. Need a priority list? I got you!
Find ways to be passionate about what you’re doing.
The truth is, you won’t have motivation for the stuff you don’t like doing. So focus on your strengths and do those things as much as possible. For the stuff you don’t like, find a way to be passionate about it. Maybe you don’t like folding laundry but you love listening to true crime podcasts. How about mixing a chore you aren’t passionate about with something you are intrigued by? And if you’re still dying from the task, set a time limit to it. Anyone can survive ten minutes of a bad chore.
There ya have it! Hopefully you find the will to get that whole list of stuff done this weekend! Love,
